none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't deserve a penis
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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