think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
