I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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