Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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