From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize