i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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