yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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