I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
