god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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