But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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