What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
