I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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