Do you still have your period?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
