Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
did i walk over a car last night?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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