I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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