I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
