laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
