Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize