Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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