I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize