I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
