Umm I'm too high to move.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
