I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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