I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
