We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Pooping to opera.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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