You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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