just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize