just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
