Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Randomize
