you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
