is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
