I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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