I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
