I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Im part way to drunk.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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