He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize