farters have to be the big spoon...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
