my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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