What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
