the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
