tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
