Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
