Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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