her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
