There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
