He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize