i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
