WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Can i not drive my cunt home
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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