he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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