I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
