its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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