also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
