The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
