why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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