The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
