That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
