lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It's never too late to be topless.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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