WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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