My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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