3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
