my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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