Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
PANTIES FOUND
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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