If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
