my phone needs a breathalizer
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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