She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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