Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
