Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
