she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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