I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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